knock knock

she opened the door and looked out.

and when the only thing to catch her eye were the spiderwebs on the porch lattice across from her, she looked down. and there he was. dressed in a leathery hat and stained gloves, patched- knees trousers and a belt with pouches hanging on the side, the garden gnome stood.

his redrimmed eyes .. eyed her. he turned his head to the side and spat down the steps. he had a trowel tucked in one side of his belt. his skin was old mud and coffee grounds. the hair under his chin was lichen. the veins on his forehead reminded her of roots.
she didnt know quite what to say.

he glared, and harrumphed, and finally released these rough few words:

'mind you dont let those girl-brats tromp through the roses, i've just planted garlic round the base.'

chains dragging over muddy gravel would be a close comparison to his voice, grating up at her from less than knee height.

she raises her eyebrows and opens her mouth to respond.. but there, shes lost.
who talks to garden gnomes?
i mean really?

he sniffs. and fingers the pouch closest to his right hand. waiting.

she says, 'thank you?'

or meant to, truly, however only the sound of her intake of air is heard. a thin, slow gasping, and that is all. she closes her mouth, and opens it again, but still: nothing.

his wrinkly weathered brow wrinkles further, and he turns and spits again. before adding:
'you'll be wanting that garlic soon enough.'

and with that, he's down the stairs and disappearing around the side of the house.
in a moderately spritely fashion.

which should be expected, as they are related.

she shut the door. and blinked.
and stood there, absorbing or repressing the moment.
the inside of her house hummed electrically.
the shoes lining the side of the wall stayed in their patient spots.
she considered locking the door, and didnt.

she did walk into the living room tho,
and ask her children to stay out of the garden for the next few days.

and then she went to her desk and googled for the better part of an hour:
"fairy food, gnome cuisine, sprite snacks", til she found something she deemed appropriate, organic and healthy and not too tricky to prepare.

single moms need all the help they can get.


see this is way funner than bitching about relationships ;D

boys are stupid

so i forgot my password. thats why i havent been here in a million years. it just took me this long to go thru the process of resetting the damn thing. do you have ANY IDEA just how many passwords i have to manage in my life? more than the normal civilian thats for sure. its ridiculous. i have to have a separate document where i put them all. hidden in a lock box in my basement. with bats and gargoyles keeping watch.

so ok: here's a question: if you have been with a guy for exactly one whole damn year and you still dont know for sure how he feels about you, as in hes NEVER FUCKING SAID how he feels about you, and the time has come and gone where celebrating any kind of anniversarial moment would be... timely, what would be the best course of action to take? let's consider some options here:

1. give in to my sense of entitlement and withdraw in an icy manner. what will this give me? more neuroticism to mindfuck myself with while im all by myself. not getting laid.

2. bitch. as in specifically bring up the issue and show that im hurt about it. where will THIS road go? straight to smoking. alone. and not getting laid.

3. not say anything. and quietly mindfuck myself with all the possibilities. but i still get laid. until i dont.

and to further complicate things, i truly believe two opposing beliefs:

a. that its best for the guy to bring up emotional stuff first bc that way they dont feel trapped or whatever and also bc when its their idea, they tend to invest in it a little more.

b. its never good to ignore your needs as a person and only focus on theirs.

well heres a thing-- ive ignored my need to be emotionally fucking validated for ONE FULL ON FUCKING YEAR here and while he is sooo wonderful in all the other ways you can think of, it still sucks to not have that part. am i being too impatient? am i being too narrow minded? have i missed my chance? its not that i dont feel cared for. i dont feel used or anything. we are both really good at saying thank you. i just wish i was a little more than 'awesome'. so maybe i am selfish. and shortsighted. and i dont want him to say anything he doesnt mean, which is why ive been willing to wait for when he does. but still: the worst part is when im feeling threatened by other girls. if i knew how he felt about me then his attention to other girls wouldnt be SUCH a bitch for me.

this one thing i read said that it doesnt matter how long youve been w/ a guy, he will say how he feels only when he' s ready. and girls are always more ready before guys are. so whats going on is in that sense, normal. this is not comforting.

this one other thing i read said guys will only open up emotionally when they feel completely comfortable doing so. and if you (the girl) are a bitch and withdraw or are a bitch and explode that will decrease their fucking ass comfort level. awesome.

im going to take care of myself by getting another hobby. my sister scrapbooks. i already play volleyball but thats only one day a week. i need another one. who wants to do bellydancing with me? CMONCMONCMON ;D COME ON ;D i got zils ;D they make neat noises ;D
mkay im going to do work now.