so i forgot my password. thats why i havent been here in a million years. it just took me this long to go thru the process of resetting the damn thing. do you have ANY IDEA just how many passwords i have to manage in my life? more than the normal civilian thats for sure. its ridiculous. i have to have a separate document where i put them all. hidden in a lock box in my basement. with bats and gargoyles keeping watch.
so ok: here's a question: if you have been with a guy for exactly one whole damn year and you still dont know for sure how he feels about you, as in hes NEVER FUCKING SAID how he feels about you, and the time has come and gone where celebrating any kind of anniversarial moment would be... timely, what would be the best course of action to take? let's consider some options here:
1. give in to my sense of entitlement and withdraw in an icy manner. what will this give me? more neuroticism to mindfuck myself with while im all by myself. not getting laid.
2. bitch. as in specifically bring up the issue and show that im hurt about it. where will THIS road go? straight to smoking. alone. and not getting laid.
3. not say anything. and quietly mindfuck myself with all the possibilities. but i still get laid. until i dont.
and to further complicate things, i truly believe two opposing beliefs:
a. that its best for the guy to bring up emotional stuff first bc that way they dont feel trapped or whatever and also bc when its their idea, they tend to invest in it a little more.
b. its never good to ignore your needs as a person and only focus on theirs.
well heres a thing-- ive ignored my need to be emotionally fucking validated for ONE FULL ON FUCKING YEAR here and while he is sooo wonderful in all the other ways you can think of, it still sucks to not have that part. am i being too impatient? am i being too narrow minded? have i missed my chance? its not that i dont feel cared for. i dont feel used or anything. we are both really good at saying thank you. i just wish i was a little more than 'awesome'. so maybe i am selfish. and shortsighted. and i dont want him to say anything he doesnt mean, which is why ive been willing to wait for when he does. but still: the worst part is when im feeling threatened by other girls. if i knew how he felt about me then his attention to other girls wouldnt be SUCH a bitch for me.
this one thing i read said that it doesnt matter how long youve been w/ a guy, he will say how he feels only when he' s ready. and girls are always more ready before guys are. so whats going on is in that sense, normal. this is not comforting.
this one other thing i read said guys will only open up emotionally when they feel completely comfortable doing so. and if you (the girl) are a bitch and withdraw or are a bitch and explode that will decrease their fucking ass comfort level. awesome.
im going to take care of myself by getting another hobby. my sister scrapbooks. i already play volleyball but thats only one day a week. i need another one. who wants to do bellydancing with me? CMONCMONCMON ;D COME ON ;D i got zils ;D they make neat noises ;D
mkay im going to do work now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Finally! I was starting to think you were cheating on me and posting on myspace. Which I would never know about because I don't go there anymore...
So, keeping in mind that I tell it like it is, and also that I love you, my short answer is that I like 2b.
I think that A YEAR is more than enough time for someone to know whether or not they are in love and you have every right to know where you stand after all this time.
My honest opinion (I realize I don't know him at all) is that he is either a) not in love b) emotionally unavailable altogether and it has nothing to do with you or c) keeping his options open.
He might be wonderful in other ways, but he's not giving you what you need. And deserve.
I say you call him out, get his answer, then decide if you can live with it. If you can't, move on. And buy some batteries ;)
1. I will TOTALLY do belly dancing! TOTALLY.
2. One year is long enough to have some validation and discussion of how he feels about you and your relationship. Even as effed as my relationship with Mike started out and as commitmentphobic as he was, he still told me he loved me within a year.
He may not be "ready" or have enough of a comfort level to tell you how he feels, but YOUR feelings and sentiments are just as important.
I say, in my, oh so professional opinion (I AM a social worker after all, that qualifies me for all kinds of things), that you tell him how you feel. And it is okay to mention that your one year has come and gone.
Best of luck and Boys do suck, throw rocks at them!
my friends say smart things ;D
Post a Comment