a mother's karma

Hi.

My name is Susanne and I am surviving a sixteen year old daughter.

Barely.

So today I was just talking to a coworker who has two young daughters, and she was saying how scared she is of when her kids are sixteen, and I had told her how much BETTER my kid is now than she was last year, how ON TOP of things she is, how she’s gotten a new sense of INSIGHT and she’s all RESPONSIBLE and GOAL ORIENTED and all this stuff…

And of course, my karma is such that my words always come back to haunt me.

This child is out of control. Still.

Her teacher called me today, leaving a msg that states he has been trying to reach my kid and she needs to go to Friday school and he really wants to get her back on track.

The school she goes to is an alternative one. If students miss more than %20 of class time, they are placed in a probationary status and not allowed to attend school until they have completed two ‘Friday school sessions’. So in essence they are out of school except for Friday for two weeks straight.

SO clearly, my child has failed to attend her %80 portion and has received Friday school probation and has failed as well to tell me.

I call my child. She’s at home. After informing her that her teacher called me I asked her to tell me what’s going on. At this stage of the game, she knows its too late to do anything but tell the truth and this is what she does… and apparently she has been leaving ‘for school’ every day for the last two and one half weeks, and then coming back home after I go to work. Except for the days she stays downtown and smokes pot with her friends. Well, that part came out after I asked her what would show if I brought a UA kit home.

Awesome.

So I tell her to call her teacher and straighten this out and then call me and let me know what the outcome is. And I tell her im pissed at her for her dishonesty around whats going on—not only neglecting to inform me of her current status, yesterday she straight out LIED to me and said she came home early from school bc another girl upset her. And that she had all her time in and had cleared this with her teacher.

This kid only has to be in school for three hours per day, Monday thru Thursday. That’s all. It’s not a lot to ask.

I work full time. She has lots of room to skip with and clearly knows how to take advantage of the opportunities. I get that kids will choose to do this.

Still, the absolute pisser of the situation is her attitude shows barely any remorse. Let alone an interest or motivation for change.

I told her she was grounded, and she asked for how long. I said ‘how bout three weeks since that’s how long you’ve been lying to me?’

And then her response: ‘it’s only been two’.

So I told her to consider the extra week as interest.

And the next thing out of her mouth is: ‘So do I still get that $40 you were going to give me?’

Is she SERIOUS? For REAL? She gets herself kicked out of school, lies to me, and then has the audacity to ask for her allowance? Unbelievable.

I almost asked ‘why—do you need to pay off your drug dealers?’ but then I decided I didn’t want to hear the answer. And seriously, if she actually does owe any money for anything then that’s a lesson all unto itself and she can learn it the hard way.

The deal is, I pay her cell phone bill which is about $60, and I also give her $80 a month for whatever she wants, lunch money or whatever else, in two $40 increments. The understanding is this is money she is entitled to as an ‘upstanding member of the household’- she watches her sister on the occasions I ask her to, and she attends her classes. If she hasn’t been attending school for the last two damn weeks, I don’t feel too terribly obligated to fork over money to her.

So how about NO, I keep my hard earned cash and she can step up and make some responsible decisions. And we can try again next month. That’s the response I want to make (editing out the cussing parts), however I just told her we would talk about it tonight.

It just really sucks. The whole fucking thing. And that’s what I have to look forward to dealing with tonight.

There is one positive about this situation: practice makes perfect. Both my child and I were able to maintain a phone conversation without resorting to screaming, belittling, or foul language. This says something about both of us, in that we are continuing to grow and work on communication.

Damn communication building anyways. It never ever ends.